I understand. My last name is Japanese. It’s not Smith or Jones. So I’ll give you a pass if you pronounce it incorrectly. Within limitations. If you throw out a Ow-gay-tah or even an Aug-uttuh, at least you are using the correct letters in the proper sequence.
But from time to time, I’ll get people who decide to add letters of their own. I’ve heard Orgata, Ortega and even Ottawa. Seriously? WTF? Ottawa? How do you survive day-to-day being this illiterate? Just the other day, I got “Goat-atta”. Come on, that sounds like something they serve at the Afghanistan Taco Bell. As in, “Try the new crunchy, cheesy, Goatatta!”
People, stop being lazy assholes.
Is it me? Can’t be. Idiots even get my first name wrong. It’s in the Bible, and one of the easy ones too… not Hezekiah. I think I project and enunciate well enough. But the problem happens everytime I’m at a restaurant or someplace where the “hostess” asks for my name. As TV Guide would say, “assholery ensues.”
Me: I need a table for two.
Ho: Okay, for how many?
Me: … [breaks fourth wall and stares at camera]
Me: Two.
Ho: Can I get a name?
Me: Paul.
Ho: Did you say “Ball”?
Yeah. Fricking ball. Seriously, how many people in this underachieving whore’s life has she run into named Ball? It continues…
Me: No, Paul.
Ho: Can you spell that?
Me: Peeee… Ayyyy… Youuuu… Elll….
Ho: Oh, Paul. It’s going to be a 20 minute wait.
Use your common sense. Even if someone told me their name and it sounded like “Bitchard”, I would ask, “Did you say Richard?” And guess what? Roughly 97 times out of 100 they will say, “Yes, Richard.” (The other 3 out of 100 times, the person has crazy douchebags for parents.)
So the next time I’m confronted with one of these non-listening turds, here’s the plan:
Me: I need a table for two.
Ho: Can I get a name?
Me: Brrrtpulupulu-g-g-g-ng (insert click noise).
Ho: Burple… chuggalugga… You know what? Let me see if I can get you table right now.
Problem solved.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Aloha Mr.Ogata!
Being born and raised in Hawaii myself, I have met various people of Asian ethnicity with much harder names to say than yours… Although, yours is not difficult at all ha ha. Anyway, love your work sir, you are a rock star to us Asians and anyone else who enjoys comedy at its finest. Aloha!
C.L.
P.S. My husband is a caucasian from Sallisaw, Oklahoma. Yeah, the accent and everything, and he says your name perfectly. Lol. Take care
Totally. There are much much harder names than mine to figure out, and I feel sorry for those people. Especially Thai names!
Thanks for the compliment. Catch you at a show soon!
Hi Paul, I feel your pain. Living in Hong Kong,
a white American lady named ‘Wong’ confuses
people all the time. I go by ‘Becky’ but in HK
everyone (no matter what the education level)
calls me Peggy or worse . . . Pecky! Damn! That’s
why I always say, ‘just call me Rebecca’.
Hello bao orhatma!!!