Why the F#¢K are you heckling?

I am trying to help. I hate the comedian. I am drunk. Trying to impress my date. Trying to impress my friends.

Shut The F#¢K Up!

Okay. Thanks.

Is what you have to say even funny?

Yes No

Are you a comedian?

Yes No

Shame on you. As a comedian you should know better than to disrupt another comedian's show.

Yeah, you're right. Now what?

Trust me, it's NOT funny and you're NOT helping.

Okay. Now what?

Is it YOU that you really hate?

Yes No

When you're at a restaurant and everyone except you is enjoying the food, do you shout at the chef and trip the waiter so all the other customers have a bad time, too?

Yes No

Have you sought professional help for your anger issues?

Yes No

Well, it has not worked. You should leave the comedy show immediately and go kick your therapist's face.

Okay. Thanks!

Leave now QUIETLY and seek help right away.

Okay. Good idea. Thanks.

Is this your first time drinking?

Yes No

There are way cheaper places to get drunk, rookie. Go home now.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Well? Is your date impressed?

Yes No

What are you waiting for? Go home right now and eat several cans of beans, since your date obviously enjoys loud assholes.

Avoid going to comedy shows in the future. It's a win/win situation!

Good idea. Thanks.

And are your friends impressed with your excruciating assholery?

Yes No

You and all of your friends should return to the frat/sorority house immediately and ask your fathers why they never loved you.

Then apologize to everyone in your lives for being soulless and miserable all these years.

Harsh. But so true. Thanks.