You probably drove to a Super Bowl party at a friend’s house or a bar, and maybe put on the store-bought jersey of your favorite team. I did something like that, except I hopped on a plane, tail-hooked onto an aircraft carrier in the middle of the ocean and put on a Super Bowl championship ring!
Let me tell you about my crazy-ass Super Bowl weekend.
It began Friday night when I met up with fellow comedians Tom Foss and Steve Simeone, along with Comics On Duty honcho Rich Davis, and sacked out in a San Diego hotel awaiting an early morning pick up by the US Navy. The hotel had a piano bar, which apparently is the old-people substitute for karaoke. It allows the geriatric to belt out hits of the 70’s. Most likely the 1870’s. I couldn’t recognize any of the songs. But man did the seniors love them some ancient tunes. And that’s awesome, because it probably reminded them of the good old days when they sat around the fire in animal pelts, inventing music.
Despite this scarring of my inner ear tissue, I managed to hear my alarm at 5 in the morning. We were then escorted onto Naval Air Station North Island and crammed into a C2-A Greyhound along with some players and staff from the Green Bay Packers.
Tail-hooking onto a moving aircraft carrier is, I imagine, one of the most difficult things to do in the world for a pilot (and big props to ours). At the same time, it is also one of the craziest fun things to experience. You go from 150mph to zero in just a couple of seconds. Captain Kuzmick gave us certificates, marking our induction into the club of tailhookers, but that was unnecessary as I already made my own certificate in my underwear. The take-off is nuts as well. Steam-powered catapults fling you off the end of a too-short runway that makes you feel just like Alfre Woodard getting sucked into the sky in The Forgotten. But with much better dialog and acting. I strongly suggest you join the Navy in hopes that you might be able to experience this. Either that, or be like me and tell fart jokes.
The US Navy flew us out there to entertain the sailors for Super Bowl weekend. Take a look at that gigantic inflatable big-screen in the picture at the top of this post. Only in the Navy will your TV become a floatation device in case of emergency.
Mason Crosby headed up the Packer delegation. Mason scored more points in his first two years in the NFL than any other rookie in league history. Also on board: punter Jeremy Kapinos, fullback John Kuhn, and staff members Red Batty and T-Bone Bakken. Head trainer Pepper Burruss was with the team since 1993, and he brought along some serious bling. And of course, I just had to try them on.
I think this means we’re dating now.
Kuhn has a ring from his year in Pittsburgh, and Red’s got one from his 16 years with Green Bay as well. Red even has a ring from the CFL Grey Cup championship! There hasn’t been so much gold and diamonds on a ship since the days of Captain Jack Sparrow. Which is so long ago that old people in San Diego know songs from that time.
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