Great news and not so great news. The great news is that I’m back on tour again with Comics On Duty, bringing smiles to the brave men and women of America’s military. This time I hauled my cookies all the way across the continent to NAS Key West. A great sold-out crowd for our first night of the tour.
In the bases I’ve been to, it’s always been active duty personnel at the shows. But for some reason, at NAS Key West, they allow retirees to live in a trailer park on base. And the audience that night included a lot of the trailer park peeps. No prob, as old ladies seem to dig me. One even insisted I follow her to her truck afterwards so she could show me the purple dildo she won at Bingo earlier that day. So, because you don’t see this kind of thing everyday, I did indeed follow her to verify her possession of said device. When we got to the truck, she unsheathed it from her backseat (get your minds out of the gutter) and flung it at me. But, like Greg Jenning’s phenomenal one-handed TD catch the other week at Arizona, I pulled that one down miraculously. Dude, that thing was huge. I hope she has a good medical plan. And more importantly, I hope she hadn’t already used the toy.
The not so great news: I got knocked out briefly by a blow to the head. (No, it wasn’t from the purple monster.) After exiting off the front of the stage after my set, with the spotlight blinding me temporarily, I took a left turn to the sliding glass door where I came in. Unfortunately, some of the old people in the crowd got cold (as they do in 75ยบ weather) and shut the door. But I still had the big blue dot in the middle of my vision from being blinded by the spotlight and proceeded to trot head-first into the pane. Pain!
You can probably see where my head smacked right into the glass. If you can’t, just imagine the Shroud of Turin, but constructed of glass and my greasy face print. I came to, moments later surrounded by old people bent over me asking me if I was okay. Don’t know if you’ve ever gotten KTFO before, but it’s hard to put together a sentence when you come around. I couldn’t answer them quickly enough, which worked out pretty well since they offered me a cornucopia of pills. Old people are walking pharmacies. I got a Tylenol, a bag of aspirin powder, two Ibuprofen and a Viagra. I was wobbly and sore for the rest of the night, but here it is two days later and I’m back to normal.
Ever the optimist, COD Executive Producer Rich Davis said I was lucky. Since we were in Florida, I slammed into hurricane glass. Had it been regular glass, and with the force I used, the pane might have shattered and blinded me or lopped off a limb. Thanks for spotting the bright side. It’s hard to do with a concussion. But he’s right, I could very well have been a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple-penis feeler.
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