Just back from doing some very fun shows in China. Let me show you some of the pretty mind-blowing things I saw.

But first, while there, I was interviewed by a couple of magazines. Click to read the Q&A’s and you’ll probably learn something about me you didn’t know before:China is a fascinating place. For example, many of the people I spoke to had no idea that people were allergic to food in America. What are we doing to ourselves that we can’t even eat bread anymore? I present to you a sandwich I ordered at a Shanghai vegan restaurant:

This is a hoi sin seitan on toasted rice cake sammy. Screw the Lucky Charms, this thing was magically delicious. But do you know what seitan is? It’s PURE FUCKING GLUTEN. The Chinese don’t screw around. Somewhere in China I bet they serve a lactose and peanut reuben with a bee sting smoothie.

They also happen to excel at foods on the opposite end of the allergy spectrum. I mean, is anyone allergic to duck?

DaDong is a famous roasted duck restaurant in Beijing. It. Is. Awesome. You absolutely must try it if you visit. I love DaDong. I can’t wait to get DaDong in me again. No, no, I mean in my mouth. Ah, you know what? Grow up.

About the only thing you can’t eat in China are pandas. Probably. They love pandas. I do too!

Chubby Asian beasts who are messy eaters. We are two of a kind.

What they really like to do in China is build big things. They recently built the world’s largest telescope, the world’s largest air purifier and the world’s largest electric bus fleet. But check out their newest biggest thing: the world’s largest Starbucks:

Yes, that whole thing is a Starbucks. Inside, they roast the coffee on the premises so you can see firsthand the process of how you get poorer.

But… as you would expect, right across the street from The World’s Largest Starbucks is what I like to call The World’s Most Irrelevant Starbucks.

Let’s just hope China doesn’t take the world’s largest army to the world’s largest Starbucks before any war or we’re in trouble.